Okay.  I have a little secret.  Are you ready for this?  I love the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.  Whew.  Okay...now that it's out in the open I can get on with what I have to say. 

Last weekend I was at home watching the Return of the King with my younger brother and my mom.  My mom had never seen any of the trilogy, so near the end of this movie, my brother and I were trying to sum up the entire story before the final scenes.  Finally, Frodo had reached his destination.  The ring he had been carrying for such a long time had become a terrible burden.  All he had to do was take it off and through it in the fires of Mount Doom.  As he is taking it off the 'human nature' side of him seems to come out.  You can see it in his eyes...he is realizing the power the ring holds and he wants it.  He doesn't seem to care that it has been a burden and has caused all sorts of problems.  His friend, Samwise Gamgee is yelling at him to just throw it in the fires...to finally be rid of it.  But Frodo doesn't.  He puts the ring back on.  After being attacked by Gollulm, who was able to steal the ring from him, we see Frodo almost give up.  He is barely hanging onto the ledge of the cliff and Samwise is struggling to pull him up.  But Samwise continues to encourage him to hold on and to not let go.  Finally, both Samwise and Frodo are safe and we watch as Gollum and the ring disappear into the fires of the mountain.

When I was watching this all I could think about is how it totally relates to our real lives.  I don't know about you...but I have had some pretty heavy burdens over the past few months...and sometimes I struggle with letting them go and giving them completely to God.  I also have a tough time forgetting mistakes I have made in the past.  It's like I can get to that point of surrender...the place where I have the ability to cast them all on Jesus...and then I take them back upon myself.  It's like I am scared to face life without them..almost like I need them because I want to feel independent enough to 'take care of myself'.  I want to be free and do my own thing. But that's the beauty of God.  When we are completly surrendered to him...we are most free.  I know it seems hard to comprehend...surrender and freedom in the same sentence.  But just imagine being so enthralled in the Lord, so focused on what He is calling you to do that you aren't burdened by past mistakes, you aren't trying to do it all on your own...you are free in Christ.  It really is beautiful.

I hope that made sense.  Hopefully more blogs will follow...I've been away for a while! :)

Senior year.  Graduating in May.  Getting married in May.  Become responsible adult.  AHHHHHH!!  I'm not sure the world is quite ready for me to become a 'responsible adult'.  Heck, I'm not sure I'm ready to be a responsible adult.  It's so strange.  This may sound crazy...but sometimes I feel stuck in this place between wanting to be a 'grown up' but also running as far as I can in the opposite direction!!  Does anyone else ever feel that way? 

I'll admit it.  I'm a little bit scared of graduating.  Leaving friends who have become family.  Packing up the past four years of my life and moving into my own house seven days later.  Finding a real job.  Paying real bills.  I will miss Ouachita.  The 'bubble' that it is, has become home to me.  I thought I would be so excited about being finished with marching band after almost 11 years of it...but honestly, I was sad at our last football game.  I'll never march again, never play another alma-mater, never be a part of a marching band again.  I know...it sounds corny...but it was a big part of my life.  I just registered for my final semester.  I had my grad check.  It's weird...looking at the past four years of your life on a sheet of paper some like to call a degree plan.  Realizing that although academics are the main reason you are in collge, there is so much more to it than that. 

I'll never forget my first day of Spiritual Formation with Dr. Duvall.  He played Switchfoot's song...'this is your life...are you who you wanna be...'.  I remember praying that I would become the person I wanted and knew God desired me to be.  I'm not sure I'm quite there yet.  I still have so much to learn.  So many more ways I need to grow. 

Oh yea, did I mention I am getting married in May.  Exactly one week after I graduate.  One Saturday I will be wearing my cap and gown...the next a wedding dress and veil.  I'm crazy excited!  It's a dream come true...no, really it is!!!  I pray I am the wife God wants me to be.  I also pray Rushing can handle me...I'm a little strange sometimes ;) 

Wow.  I'm not even sure all of that makes any sense.  Oh well.  Maybe I'll write again soon...maybe not...

it's tough getting older.

RUSHING ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM!!!

I'm ENGAGED!!!!

more details to come later :)

changes

   I spent part of last week helping friends move out of their apartments and spent some time packing some of my apartment up for the summer.  I tried to pretend that graduation wasn't going to happen and I was going to be able to keep my friends around forever.  But, graduation did happen.  Saturday afternoon I watched some of my closest friends walk across the stage, receive their diplomas, and celebrate the end of their college career.  I'm not sure how next semester will be without them here.  I'm sure life will go on and all of us left at school will continue to move on.  But that's the sad part.  Moving on.  Going through experiences without them here.  I know that's the way it has to be, but it does make me just a little sad.  I will truly miss them all so much, but I know that there are things that have to change and people have to grow up and leave the bubble...which brings forth another thought...

I will graduate next year.  This time next year I will be a graduate from OBU.  I will leave the friendships I have formed over the past 4 years.  Before I entered college I kept hearing 'You will make your best and lifelong friends while in college'.  How fair is it that they forget to tell you that after 4 years you will be ripped apart just to have to start all over again.  Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for the friendships I have made and I really don't think they will end.  I know we will all keep up with each other and we will try to get together throughout the years...but it just won't be the same.  No more running next door to borrow clothes, no riding around at midnight with the girls acting ridiculously insane, no more serenades, no late nights on the bridge, no...alot of things.  Don't get me wrong...I am so excited about life after graduation...it just seems so crazy and strange.  That's why I am going to make the most of this next year.  I am going to spend time with people I haven't hung out with since freshman year, I am going to do all the silly things with friends that we have never done...I am doing to live it to the fullest.